"Holy Crap I'm Single"

This is the lovely phase that went through my head this morning when I opened my eyes. After hours-ful of crazy dreams, it was the stark reality that awakened me.
Yes, it was my own doing. Yes, we spent the last year trying our hearts out.
Until mine wore out.
And gave up a little.
The first few days were my usual post-break-up productive days.
Months of junk mail was finally attended to.
My shower curtain is bleached fluffy white.
I was doing ok. Well, even.
And then there were the sudden bouts of crying.
For miscellaneous reasons.
Including hormones. And friends. And love.
And then there was a little arguing. With a little trying.
And then there was this morning.
Where the little bit of fear that lives in each of us tried to yell at me and ask
what on earth was I thinking.
And I told it I had to.
But this will take a bit of adjusting. That I may not have planned for all too well.
I mean, do we plan for single? Why would we do such a thing?
First, we think of crazy plans. Like moving, painting, buying.
And then, we think, "It's time to get settled. This may last awhile."
He was quite charming.
This is no time for replacement.
This is time for adjustment.
And I think of the people who I cannot mirror in this situation.
I cannot be like them,
But I can still be me. Maybe even a little bit more than before.
And I take a deep breath. And keep breathing. And start trusting.
Again.

(That was yesterday. Today I saw a therapist to make sure I'm not crazy who I'm quite certain will actually be no help at all. Because, I, of course, actually think I'm quite sane and grounded. But I did get to take the inkblot test and I think that was worth every penny. ;-) I also fixed my headliner with spray adhesive and a ruler and am remarkably impressed with the results.)