Monday, September 01, 2008

I Ovulate On Cue Every 28 days

Trust me. I know this. Without a monitor.
I almost drew an "X" on my uterus (well, my lower abdomen, not my uterus. I'm not a surgeon and I have no anesthetic) for this particular post, but it's 2:43 and there's a chance I'm hungry and not thinking all that clearly. 
There are a few of you reading this post that I realize may curse my good fortune at the genetic clockwork I have inherited. And trust me, I am nothing if not grateful for the reminders I get that everything is working just perfectly. Because when one is 113 days from her 29th birthday, (and BTW, 478 days from her 30th),  she needs every possible guarantee that waiting to have sex will not jeopardize the possibility of potential offspring. Particularly when she is ovulating while being the most single she has been in two and a half years (having sent away her Christian army pilot and declaring their goodbye kiss their last) surrounded by people whom she loves but maybe not enough to try to pursue this husband thing. Or who perhaps are not thinking they would like to pursue this wife thing, as a matter of fact. 
However, there are times when the hormone levels (is this that clock thing?) get surprisingly overwhelming and seem to be spurring her on to an illegitimate creation. Or at least blur up everything in her head so that rational decisions become more intangible than on the other 27-ish days of the month.
Luckily, she is much too wise and smart in her old age to fall for something like that. 
So instead she continues on a quest for a legitimate breeding partner. She agrees that the close ones up until now have been quite wonderful. They have untapped unlimited potential and many excellent husbandlicious qualities. And she is so grateful to have been held and loved by them. 
And it was perfectly okay- this thought of children in her late 20's. Ideal, actually. But children in your 30's seems fraught with danger. Perhaps too many biology and nursing classes and time at the hospital. And if I simply inherit someone else's children, is my age just asking for Baby Momma Drama?
But the thought of forever is such a long time. And who will she finally decide should donate his gametes in the hopes of finally making their way to her "dusty old uterus" before her "eggs dry up and fall out"?
We can only wait and see....
and maybe watch PRIME again a time or two. 

16 comments:

Sweet Em said...

IF you ovulate on cue every 28 days then you are ahead of the game. I hate to be a know-it-all considering my completely lack of biology and nursing classes but I have heard a lot of anecdotal fertility evidence AND I live in a place where a 27 year old 1st time mom (me) is considered a young mother. So I say that in general you should be all set and that the "30-year old" pregnancy really doesn't come into play until you are 35 so you've got a long, long while.

That said - the drive to be a mother is so strong and at those moments when the realization of that seems beyond reach there is no arguing with a person.

So I'll just say - your kids will be beyond lucky to have you as an exuberant, loving, creative mother - and don't even get me started on how lucky Mr. C-Carbinier will be!

Maria said...

Oh, Chrisin. I just love you!

Katie said...

hehe... you crack me up!

RC said...

I happen to agree with the other posters that you are the most fantastic young lady and the eventual Mr. in your life will be the second luckiest man in the world (me being the first of course). I hope you don't think that the clock is running out, it is just going faster than you would prefer. The standards you have chosen will help you in your quest. Settling for something less would be an injustice to you and what you stand for. I will keep you in my prayers, my thoughts and of course my heart. Keep a smile on that beautiful face and a song in your heart. (just don't sing it:0) )

indeazgirl said...

Dad, so all of us were kind of holding our breath to see what kind of reaction this post would get out of you. This was wayyyy tooo sympathetic. Where is all your cynicism these days?

RC said...

okay, now I will tell you how I REALLY feel. Quit your dang belly aching, clean up, get some new perfume and get to trollin'!!!!
Time to get out of the pity party and hit the party trail. If you would learn to flirt like your mom and sister did you would have had your man by now. Cynicism is back in gear.

Bridget "Fun" Lynott said...

Yahoo RC!Amen! It is about time someone said it to her! Maybe when you are down here next week we can take her perfume shopping! Maybe something a little more spicy and fun?

breymom said...

Christin Christin Christin what can I say, you remember when you got me to send away for wedding napkin samples and cards you've always been ahead of the game! NO WORRIES God's got it all handled up there I'm sure. You deserve the perfect man of your dreams, I pray for ya too;) You are so awesome, my kids still remember going to the park with you passing their test means you'll be a DANG COOL MOM!

MindySue said...

legitamite breeding partner? wow, that was romantic. I agree with Em...I don't think its weird to be a new mom in your 30s and its really more the 40s that are more iffy....and hey, even that works out (ie My little sister). Here's keeping my fingers crossed that Prince Charming makes his appearance soon. Maybe he's not 18 yet?

Travis Butterfield said...

um, this is kind of one of those T.M.I. things for me. Obviously it isn't for everyone. But, for me, yeah . . .

Sweet Em said...

ROTFLMBO at RC and Travis!

RC said...

Someone explain Sweet Em's last comment to a computer illiterate old man, please.

indeazgirl said...

ROTFLMBO means "Rolling on the Floor Laughing My Butt Off". I had to google it 'cause I had no idea either....I guess we're both illiterate. :o)

Anonymous said...

They could make millions off of you if they would only get the producers on the same page for your sitcom. You are so stinking funny! But remember that movie stars usually wait until they are older to conceive thus preserving those 20 something boobs that god gave you. look at your boobs and feel better. oh and angelina is 33.

Madison said...

oh christin, you are hilarious, and your uterus will not dry up and fall out lol dont give your eggs to just anyone sugar pie, you are doing the right thing by not marrying just anyone, since you deserve the bestest.

Anonymous said...

Hahahah!
I love what Candice wrote. And I agree on the boobs comment. Just think, it's another way that you don't have to trade them in.